This post is from contributor Jenn Hoskins
Have you ever had that moment when you are hearing the words roll off someone’s tongue that sting your ears, hit your heart and you must, in a moment, decide how to react?
Words of criticism flow freely towards your decision to homeschool and the fruit of your labor is viewed by someone on the “outside.” It may be a friend, a spouse, an evaluator, an acquaintance, a family member, or even a complete stranger (yes… it has happened).
But how do we best respond, especially since we can very quickly become defensive? Let us first dive into scripture.
Psalm 23:4b: “For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they shall comfort me.”
God speaks to us in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is through His Word, through prayer, or through people. Sometimes He chooses to have people, not always saved people, bring us hard words. Those words can sting, just as a rod stings a sheep, but ultimately His staff guides us with wisdom and direction if we turn and seek Him on the subject.
When we first hear hard words from people, we must remove our heart from the situation; after all, scripture says our hearts are wicked and often full of pride. We must step back and look to see if God is speaking or if it is just the opinions of a person.
How do we do this? A simple rule I have is, if I feel the need to immediately rise up and defend something it is my pride reacting. I have created this simple rule because of the amount of times I have had to apologize after acting out of pride. (It’s not a good time… don’t be like me, just sayin’.)
We have to be very wary of pride. It will harden our hearts, deafen our ears, and it can swiftly mess up a lot in our lives.
We all have it in some way. If you just said you don’t have pride…. you are most prideful of all. Pull your life over, get out of the driver’s seat, and hit your knees–or a massive collision between your pride and God’s will is coming soon.
You’ve now been warned by one who has been there.
So let’s pretend your parent or in-law just expressed concern over how many/few activities you do outside of school time. First, thank them for their concern. You will look at your choices and see if they are seeing something you are not. Just that simple answer lets the person know they’ve been heard. It takes a lot for someone to come to you in love with an honest view that may be hard to receive.
It also takes a lot for you to react kindly when the person did not act in love, but instead was critical of your choices. You, as a Christian, are a representative of Jesus. Remember that at all times. Hard, yes, but always worth it.
Next, let’s evaluate what was said. (Your questions will obviously be different in different circumstances, but let’s stick with our pretend scenario.) What are you doing? Does your child have anything that limits how much they are able to do? Are there costs you cannot cover if they do more? Is there a better place you could put the money you are spending on lots of activities? Are your children growing and your family flourishing the way it is now or are you itching for a slower season? Do you seem to have let things go, including how you are caring for yourself, your marriage, or home?
After you have honestly answered these questions, then you can react. If you need to, sit down with your children and ask them how they feel about their activities. Of course, you should also pray on it. Seek God to see if you are doing too much or too little.
Once you have all of this info compiled, look at it objectively and come to an honest conclusion. It may be that you are good, but maybe you need to rearrange things. It never hurts to look at your life to see if there needs to be improvement.
Now thank God that you have been given the opportunity to come to the conclusion you have reached. Be thankful God has helped you along the way, and walk in the path God has shown you.
You now have the choice to approach the person with your conclusion. Depending on the person and situation, you really don’t have to, but you can if it seems fitting. Thank them for approaching you and let them know how you have come to your conclusion.
If you remain in the same place as you were before, thank them for expressing concern and giving you an opportunity to step back. You have obviously now seen the many ways your children are blessed by their activities and it gave you the opportunity to thank God. If you have cut or added activities, you can thank them for encouraging you to take a second look at what was best for your family.
If this person approached you in pride and arrogance, this also gives you the opportunity to show them what humility looks like. Often, if we model something, people can desire that in themselves through the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Kind words go much farther into a person’s heart than a prideful response.
This scenario is one of many you may encounter, but your response can be the same. A wise person steps back and seeks God. A fool is quick to answer. God corrects us and what a blessing that is! He also reassures us on our path, which leaves opportunity to minister to people.
Use these opportunities to grow yourself and others around you. You never know how far your reactions will reach. Plus, your children are watching you! What a blessing they get to see their mom walk in the wisdom of the Lord! You are changing generations of people’s reactions by changing your reactions today.
Good job Momma!
Latest posts by Jenn Hoskins (see all)
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- The Family that Serves Together Stays Together {including Family Service Project Ideas!} - July 10, 2014
- The Tale of Two Towers - June 16, 2014
Jenn, this is so right. I’ve learned through hard experience that sometimes clanging brass in the form of a harsh-sounding rebuke is still something that I need to heed. (Not that that excuses the person’s attitude.) The messenger’s motives and his delivery method aren’t nearly as important as whether the message itself is correct. Some people’s attitudes make it incredibly hard to get past the self-defense instinct to actually assess what they’re saying, though, don’t they? I will say that there are other times when a person simply doesn’t have a point, and it’s not pride to disregard them, but sanity. 😉