This post is from contributor, Monica Heffner
There was a time when I decided who I would be friends with, and it was not pretty.
You see, I surrounded myself with only Christians. I went to my Christian church on Sunday, and my Christian homeschool groups, my Christian mommy and Bible-study groups, and I even had a Christian bank. In my mind, I was protecting my children. I was proud of the safe world I had created, and my excellent choices in friends for myself and my children.
My children would not be exposed to harmful things and bad influences in my safe Christian world.
Then one Sunday, I was praying with a friend and she asked me to pray for her. She was meeting with a few friends that week who did not know Jesus as their savior. She asked me to pray that God would open their hearts for her to share Jesus’ sacrifice with them.
As I sat there listening, I felt a pang in my stomach. You know, the pang God puts there when He is moving and has something He wants you to hear? In that moment, it occurred to me that I had no one in my life with whom I could share God as she was. Sure, I knew people who were not Christians; I just was not spending time with or around them. I was pretty sure they would not want a phone call from me about Jesus.
It was then that I realized my decision to live in a Christian box had closed every door for God to work through me to reach others.
I went home that day and began praying about it. God grew that pang inside me, and He had a lot to say about my Christian box. I began to realize my intentions to protect my children were noble, but closing the door for God to work was not following God and trusting Him with my family.
I began praying for opportunities to meet other women who needed to know the love of God, or an opportunity to re-connect with the ones I already knew. It didn’t take Him long. God brought many incredible new people into our family’s life. I talked to our children about these new friends–how they didn’t know God and we needed to pray for them.
I shared with my children the need to be leaders and not followers in these situations, and most of all to love these friends regardless of what they believe or how they live.
It was not easy. My children and I were lied to and disappointed more than once, but the results have been worth it. My children are learning what is out there in the real world that they will have to live in one day as adults. They have seen children in families less fortunate than theirs. They pray for their friends who do not know the love of God and care that these people will not go to Heaven, no matter how good they are living now. They can make wise friend choices and know when to follow and when to lead.
Most of all, they have learned to trust in God to lead them because the world will let them down.
These lessons have come at a high price at times, but I would rather have my children learn them here at home where they have strong arms to fall into, and wisdom to guide them, instead of as adults with responsibilities that may overwhelm them.
Sure, they can grow up and create a nice Christian box and live there. If that is the case for their future, then no, they did not need to know all these lessons. The thing is, I don’t know God’s plan for their future. If I assume they will live in a Christian box and do not teach them these lessons, am I training them for whatever possibilities God may call them to as adults?
Only you know how God is calling you to parent the children He has entrusted to your care. Pray and expect Him to lead you. If you get that pang, as scary as it is, follow God. Trust Him with your children. Letting go is not easy. It is a tremendously big step; I know because I have been there. When you face opposition, don’t pull out. Use it to draw near to God, and encourage your children to do the same so that God will draw near to you (James 4:8).
Wait for God, and He will work it out. The faith it will grow in your children will be amazing!
Latest posts by Monica Heffner (see all)
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Thank you so much for sharing this post! I grew up in Detroit in the 80’s, and 90’s where everyone I knew was Christian. I went to a Christian school and all of my friends were Christian. One day in second grade a classmate told us about some one who lived down the street from him that did not believe the Lord Jesus Christ and we all collectively gave the loudest gasp! It was unthinkable! Now I knew some people did not always follow the bible but those people still confessed Jesus. But some one who thought it all was a lie? I had never heard of such a thing. I thought that he had to be a one off case. I then moved to bronx New York as young adult and soon saw that there are so many who do not know the love of Jesus. I then got married to a Christian man and had a daughter. My husband went to regular public school in the rough streets of the Bronx. He grew up with much less than I had so private school was not an option. I just assumed our children would go to christian school. In the beginning, I did not even think of homeschooling as an option. Then after a few turn of events, I home-schooled my daughter in pre-k. It was an amazing time because, prior I had a very demanding job in the fashion industry so I was not home until very late 10-11pm and i traveled for weeks at a time. This was the first time I really got to spend with my daughter since she was born. She learned so much. My husband however was not happy that she was not getting enough play dates. This was very hard for me to organize. Growing up in Detroit, no one planned play dates. You just went outside to play. But in New York, with everyone so busy, it was very difficult to arrange. Therefore, for Kindergarten my husband wanted her to go to school so that she could be around other children. Now I thought ok if we must, we can put her in a christian school. But my husband was completely against her being put in a christian school. He said that we need to be a light and be in the world and not of the world. The world had changed much since he went in to public school. They were not teaching about same sex marriages back then. This was my baby and I struggled with this. I guess I was trying to get into a Christian box that is almost impossible living in a big city. Then God had to remind me of what he told me when i was pregnant with her. “She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet”. My child is clothed in the blood of Christ! Now she has been in school for three weeks and I need to get her there so early in the morning that we do not have devotion in the house. We have devotion on the 2 train for 40 min into Manhattan in the morning where people silently sit and ride to work. I believe some of these people have never read the bible themselves but they hear me reading to her and then explaining what I read. I can feel them listening. I am planting seeds. I look up and see them smile. I am now at peace with decision that my husband has made. Because I want my daughter to feel comfortable to talk with anyone about the love of Jesus no matter what their back ground is. I see here in the bronx, christian that are on the battle field desiring to win unbelievers over to Christ and not just physically birthing an army. They go into the housing projects and into the jails. There is so much that needs to be done. The world needs Jesus and when you live in a box, you cannot see just how much the world really needs him. How do you know what to pray for? We cannot put our light under a bushel!
Amen!! Thanks for sharing. The world needs us so bad.
Thank for sharing your wonderful story and example! I have been so blessed by it. I have one child in public school due to her special needs, and three at home for school. You are right, it is hard to let go, but it is good to have light in the world. God will use all of it!
This article reminds me of a video that impacted my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA_uwWPE6lQ
I do believe that parents are to “bring them [children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:3-5, and that means to protect them as much as we are able. Adults have a hard enough time discerning evil influences. For children it is even harder. But I also believe that our children are ultimately HIS and that we need to trust them to HIM. We also need to lead our children by example. We need to be willing to show God’s love with others to the point where we will go to extremes to help them.
There are many reasons I am home schooling my children. Protecting them is one of them and I do not regret it. My husband and I have a big job of raising our children in the ways of the Lord. We have opportunities all the time when we go out in public to evangelize and spread the Word through our actions, words, and example. For now I am content being in our box so my children have good examples to look up to and help them to be able to distinguish what is good and what is bad at an appropriate age, or when God sees fit. These are their most impressionable years. I am not going to risk their salvation by throwing them into the throngs of public school, or even private, if I don’t have to. My job is to protect them and raise them for God and I will do that the best way I know how. That is not to say we don’t talk to our associate with others who don’t know Christ. We have had plenty of opportunity during sporting events to be a light, and we can do it together, with supervision. I wish I had more of that when I was growing up. 😉