This post was written by Sarah Outlaw of Real Food Outlaws. Originally published July 2013.
This post contains affiliate links.
Summer can be a crazy time for a homeschooling family! Especially for one that doesn’t do full-blown schooling over the break. I was thinking about how we were going to transition from a more structured routine into one that’s much more relaxed, when I remembered a book that I read 17 years ago as a freshman in college.
The book is called 3 Weeks to Better Kids, by George J. Downing. He was my Child Psychology professor and his book was not only required reading, it was a key component of the class!
Now, at the ripe old age of 17 I really wasn’t interested in learning how to make kids behave! Fast-forward 17 years to four kids, ages 12 down to 17 months, and I am wondering why I didn’t pick it up again sooner!
As a little disclaimer, I don’t agree with *everything * in this book. I am very established in how I parent my children from birth and beyond, and some of what is talked about I don’t find applicable to me and my personal parenting style.
The chapter in the book that really grabbed my attention is where something called a Token Economy System is presented. The concept is that you establish rules in your home so kids know what to expect and then reward diligence. For us, the #1 rule is, Asked. Answered. Dropped. This is meant to eliminate pestering! Your family will have your own set of rules and discipline methods and this post is definitely *not* about discipline.
In my experience, if the tone of my home is negative it is because I haven’t been positive! Funny how that works out. If I spend the day nitpicking and demanding that things get done around the house, I get a lot of opposition. If I am gentle, kind, and praising my children for all that they do, their response is much better! It’s human nature. No one likes a tyrant!
What is the Token Economy System?
Tokens can be anything from bingo or poker chips (better for small children) to rivets or beads. I found bingo chips on Ebay at a very reasonable price.
Sit down with your kids and have them each make a list of privileges and activities that they would like to exchange their tokens for. They should not get money or material things as rewards. If they have birthday money they would like to spend, they can exchange tokens for a trip to the store to purchase something with their *own* money. This teaches them to be frugal too!
Assign values to each activity or privilege. For example, 1 token can be turned in for 30 minutes of computer time or 50 tokens for a trip to the mall with friends…at a convenient time for you. My daughter wants a parrot so I think that will cost a few *thousand* tokens!
This is a rewards-only system. No tokens can be taken away, only given. Children may not ask for tokens. They may not take from or trade tokens with siblings. You decide how many tokens to give out and for what. Reward initiative. Give a lot of tokens in the beginning and have kids be able to cash them in right away for things.
This is an incentive for children so they get used to thinking about what they can do to be helpful. Really, it’s a win-win! They get things that they want by doing things that you want them to do.
Does it work?
Yes! We are only a week into it at the time I am writing this post and the change in the tone of our home has been incredible. My children are cheerfully helping around the house, taking initiative, and settling into the new system quite nicely. I don’t have to repeat myself as often. Rules are being followed and they are enjoying trading in their tokens for special things that they want to do. I am kicking myself for not implementing this sooner!
For more information, I recommend reading the book and trying out the Token Economy System for yourself.
What is your favorite reward system in your home?
Shared at Upside Down Homeschooling.
Latest posts by Sarah Outlaw (see all)
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- Contentment In Every Season - September 10, 2013
I came across the concept of a reward system, somewhere. I have no idea where – perhaps it was through our local MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group, or an article I read somewhere. It was fairly basic, but after using it for some time, and giving it additional consideration, I’ve made several modifications. Anyway, I’ve been using it for several months, and it is highly effective with my 4-year-old. I started with two clean Yankee candle jars, and purchased a bag of colorful fuzz balls from the dollar store. I filled up one of the jars and left the other empty. I explained to my son that whenever he did something helpful, for me, or someone else, without being asked, which means, taking the “initiative,” or whenever he acted in such a way that his actions showed the fruit of the Spirit (which he has learned), he’d get a fuzz ball put into the empty jar, which I labeled, “Spirit-filled.” Once the jar was completely filled, he’d get a special day, and one item from the store. We’ve done a few of these special days, and a few of these prized items. We’ve gone to a water park, local zoo, and a special event in our community. For his prizes, he’s acquired a Lego set, a boomerang, and a Captain America shield. It seems that it takes a couple of months to fill the jar, but there are lots of fuzz balls in there, and he apparently stays motivated for a long time. I didn’t think to allow for a quick reward, but I guess I didn’t need to anyway, since the jars are on the shelf in our classroom, which is in the family room, so constantly seeing them keeps him reminded. I guess…
Since we’ve been doing this for a little bit, I’ve also explained that whenever he did these types of things (took initiative to help someone, or showed the loving kindness of Jesus), he was letting the Holy Spirit, which fills him, come out, so that God could use him to fill others with the same fruits (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). I’ve explained that when others see us exercising our fruits, especially when it’s easier to get angry, be impatient, complain, get negative, etc., what they’re really seeing is Jesus, and that the more we can let Jesus out, through our words and actions, the more the world will see Him, and want to know Him, or have Him in their own lives.
I’ve tried expressing to him that this is the purpose of life as a follower of Jesus, to be Spirit-filled. I hope this reward system is effective in getting him to understand that. 🙂
We use “screen time”. This means computer, ipod and TV. My daughter gets 2 hours on the weekends. If we have to pick up after her, 10 minutes is deducted for each item left out. My car got spotless after we started this. We also give her a small allowance for household chores that she does. It has really taught her to think about how she contributes to the family and how she spends her “own money”. I love the tokens though! They are easily picked up at a teacher’s supply store or simply made with a printer, some cardstock and a laminator.
I would like to read that chapter but don’t want to purchase the book. Any idea where I could find a copy? Thanks
Thank you for this article! Hopefully this will help my family! By the way, I found the book through my library, just waiting on it to come in from our inter-library system 🙂
Hi Delayne! You may be able to find it at the library. Another reader was able to.
That’s great, Amy! I am glad you were able to find the book!
Alva, I love that you explain the “why” behind the behavior. It really helps kids to understand more than “because I said so”!
Screen time is a big one in my house too, Sharon! I think my kids would trade all their tokens for that if I let them! 😉