This post is from contributor Monica Heffner
I love the homeschool lifestyle. I am happy and grateful to have every day with my children.
I have to be honest though–teaching and enforcing the completion of the schoolwork is an area that I do not always enjoy. When I read blogs of mothers who live, eat, and breathe homeschool, I feel a little guilty that I don’t share their enthusiasm. When I talk to moms in real time, most of them feel the same exhaustion I feel. I figure there must be more of us out there.
I have decided to confess my homeschool truths here in hopes of encouraging you to let go of your guilt and know you are normal.
I love the homeschool lifestyle, but I need a break from teaching. Last year, we used a computer program for math with great success. This year, we are considering adding reading/literature and grammar on the computer. It is just best for our family at this time. I will teach history, science, and Bible, and can teach any of the other subjects when it works.
We do not finish by lunch. After third grade, school began taking 3-4 hours per child, most days closer to 4, with upper middle and high school taking 5+ hours. I teach three children with many lessons and have an active toddler. We start by about 10 and finish between 3 and 4:30, including an hour lunch.
We cannot do weekday play-dates during school. We have chosen to school August-May. For this reason, we must stick to our schedule. If we take a day off every week or every other week for play-dates, we would not finish on time. Play-dates through the school year happen on Saturdays. All three of my older children participate in extracurricular activities and socialize on a weekly and sometimes daily basis.
At some point, we will fall behind. In order to keep up, I build in unscheduled weeks to catch up. I also schedule some Fridays off, starting in January or February, as make-up days. We focus our time on math, language arts, spelling and writing, and when we have appointments or disruptions, history and science are the subjects that suffer.
We have schooled on a Saturday. If we fall too far behind, or a special activity or company is expected, we will school the Saturday before to allow an extra day off or to catch up.
I need a school break more than my children. I have found that if we do not take breaks, it begins to affect our relationships negatively. We school for six weeks and take the seventh week off to catch up on appointments and housework and enjoy play-dates. This keeps me sane. If it is near a holiday, (Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter) we will go up to eight weeks or as little as four to match up to the holiday.
My housework suffers. Usually by May, my house is a mess and completely unorganized. It is hard to keep up with all the details through the school year, so I have to let it go. I divide what is most important into chores for the children, do what I need to do as well, and forget the rest the best I can.
We don’t do crafty projects. I used to feel guilty about this. It seemed to me that most homeschool moms LOVED to do projects, and I was the only one who didn’t. So I researched craft projects and bought/gathered items. However, when it came time to do them my children were ready to be finished with school and did not want to stick around. Two of my girls love to make things, but they are content to create their own projects, without my help, and on things they like instead of my carefully planned Christopher Columbus or Butterfly projects. So I keep craft supplies on hand and let it go. They have made it clear they want to get finished with school, and not spend lots of time dragging it out with special projects on every subject.
There are many more confessions I could make, but what about you? Are there things that frustrate or exhaust you about homeschooling that I might relate to? Share them, let it go, and embrace the incredible homeschool mom you are!
Latest posts by Monica Heffner (see all)
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- Confessions of a Homeschool Mom - August 19, 2013
- Encouraging Sibling Relationships - July 22, 2013
CONFESSION: I’m 4 days into homeschooling my 6 year old (for the first time – both of us) and already I’m completely frustrated with not following a schedule, with not being crafty enough and figuring ways to keep her entertained after our classes so I can do my “real work.”
FINALLY, someone whose school looks like mine. You need to move in next door to me – we’ll see each other on Saturdays and in June 🙂
Mary, I am sure you are doing a great job! I remember those first few days and weeks when I started nine years ago and they were a lot like you are describing. Give yourself some grace, step back and see what is really working and rebuild your new school schedule around that.
Ha ha, Janelle! I love your honesty. If I lived next door, it would be just like that!
Mary, I also wrote a helpful scheduling post that might encourage you as well. Find it here:http://monicaheffner.com/its-your-time-making-a-schedule-that-works-for-you/
Confession: I don’t do crafty projects, I don’t do science experiments, and we don’t do “play dates” either. My daughter assists me with running the household and all that it entails, and she accompanies me on errands and shopping trips to learn and help as well. I have decided that this is PLENTY of “hands on” education for her. I know that many homeschool Mom’s will gasp in horror when they read that and it’s ok. You do it your way in your time, and I’ll do it my way. God is always the final authority anyway. 🙂 Have a great day.
Your link to the scheduling post doesn’t seem to be working, or it just isn’t working for me.
This is our first year homeschooling. My children’s friends attend public school, so their playdates will be on Saturdays as well. We are used to that though because they used to attend public school as well. I love the idea of building in make up days. That is a great idea because life does get in the way sometimes especially for doctor appointments when someone is ill.
I just barely get through the basics each day. My son annd l need time apart when school work is finished.
My confession is that I hate science experiments.
I pawn them off on my husband during Father/son time .
*shame on me*
Well said! And thank you. My biggest obstacle has been the playdate thing. We do not do playdates during school days. There is no way we can get things done if we are out on playdates. I have received a lot of disagreement on this stand. But I still stand my ground. My children, our home and our family takes priority to playdates.
Wow! What a great post. I’m so glad you put this out there. So much of what you wrote is what our family is going through. It’s just nice to hear and read it from other moms.
Yes!! Your home school sounds like our home school. Glad I could finally relate to someone. It was as if I wrote that!!-Ashley
Ah yes. I used to feel like all of these things until I discovered the idea of Relaxed Homeschooling. I heard once the idea of “Bend the book, not the child”. I think Charlotte Mason said that. We do not use much curriculum anymore and it has been pure sweet freedom. I didn’t like how schools take a one size fits all plan and give it to all kids. I was doing the same thing at home! I took a hard look at what the Bible says about learning and growing and we are still learning to implement those principles day by day. A great place to learn about these concepts is http://www.archersforthelord.org/
Thanks for the heads up about the link. Try this instead: http://monicaheffner.com/its-your-time-making-a-schedule-that-works-for-you/
My kids get as far from me as our home allows, when school is over. I don’t do science experiments either. I am glad to be in good company! 🙂
Good for you! I agree. We would never finish school if I allowed play dates all week long during school hours.
I’m glad we are all “normal.” 🙂
You are right, God is the final authority. Good for you to follow what you feel is best for your family.
I totally agree with your points: especially the one that “Mama needs a break too!”…sometimes I use an educational movie (especially since I’ve been pregnant this past year) and other times I let them do a project together. R n R is important in order to be an effective teacher the rest of the time 🙂
I loved this post! Especially the part about the crafts. Isn’t it freeing just to release
the expectations? 🙂
It sure is! Thanks.
Thanks for your honesty! I feel much better knowing that it’s not just me! I have had to figure out ways to make every “subject” be taught in ways that will keep ME and my kids interested, otherwise I feel ready to bang my head against the table!
And the craft thing, don’t even get me started! Same goes for lapbooks…ain’t happening! I have wasted more money on cardstock and ink than I care to think about, before finally realizing it just is not their thing. This post put more than a small dent into the guilt. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing this, and those of you in the comments as well. I also spent the money and now have boxes and drawers and hutches full of crafty, colorful, hands-on stuff that no one ever touches.
I wanted to be that super homeschool mom whose children made inventions independently and enthusiastically, and then sat down to write an essay about it. Ha! Double HA! And I beat myself up about it all the time. For years.
But the fact is, the stuff is there. I offer it to them. I give them the option and the time and the freedom to use it… They just don’t want to. They ‘d rather get their books filled in, and take off to work on their own interests and projects, which turns out, are way better than any craft or project I would’ve come up with!
I am starting homeschool this year (4 and 6 year old, PreK and 1st Grade) and while I am glad to be part of a homeschool co-op, the fact that I am only doing one (*gasp*) activity with the group one afternoon a week is (I know) a shocker to those uber-involved. While I am glad it works for them, I just cant seem to adjust our schedule enough right now (and to be honest, my sanity) to make any more playdate/co-op gatherings until I figure out our own schedule and what works for me and my two boys (and I am due in November with baby #3). I will stand my ground too, God and our family has to take priority!
Salena, I felt guilty at one time, but not anymore! We are all much happier since I stopped trying to be the homeschool mom that I was never meant to be. I relate to what you are saying, and hope you have found peace at last. 🙂
Hi Jenny. I love your comment! I had the same dream at one time…I am so glad to hear that I’m not the only one who had a dream and let it go. I still feel a little bad when I am the only mom in a group of super-crafty moms. What I have learned is that the crafty thing is being left behind with the elementary school years. Now that most of my children are entering or close to entering middle school it is just not liked my any of their friends either. This too will pass…
Rebecca, I get you! I was in a weekly co-op, once. It will never happen again. I could not do it. They expected so much of me in that one day that I didn’t have enough time to prepare to teach my own children. Not to mention that we could not keep up with our own work when we were using one day to plan for co-op and one day to go to co-op. Do what works for you and forget the others! I think you are a wise woman.
So I stumbled across your post and found it encouraging. I am completely new to even the idea of home school. I know that I want to try it this year with my oldest and begin with preschool (he is 4). I guess I’m just curious as to how you get some what of a schedule? how do you keep busy boys occupied and busy? lol.. I’ve never seen anyone home school and I went to public school…any advice would be welcomed as well LOL… thanks so much!
I thought I was doing something wrong within the whole keeping our children’s hearts thing. My kids go to a one day a week public school and I miss them but we need the break. Phew!!!
Sometimes, I even don’t use an educational movie.
My home school experience was brief and I mourn not having everyone home, my circumstances changed in life and we are public this year. I had not planned this either. I remember thinking I had to have special “place” to teach my son. A room or a more academic atmosphere complete with the alphabet on the wall. A year later I discovered that the kitchen table with me folding laundry at the same time produced the same amount of school work! I loved that. I read all of the posts from mom’s who’s journey is just beginning, hear the pangs of guilt for not doing it “all”. I think my biggest confession is that I feel the guilt of not homeschooling, I know the reasons that we are not, but letting go has been very hard.
Confession: I take naps. I haven’t perfected running the house – with all that entails – and getting to bed early enough to start all over in the morning – and keep going and going, etc! So, I take naps. When the toddler goes down in the afternoon (sometimes even in the morning!), I often do as well. It is the only way to get through the day. When this season passes, I expect I’ll make to through more full days without needing a break. Until then, my older children are learning to be self-directed and do their work knowing that I will be there to follow-up in anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour. It isn’t my first choice and I wish I could be all things at all times, but I’m human. It’s an act of humility; a reminder that He is God – and I am not.
I am in my third year of homeschooling, and I finally had the guts to ask a “real” teacher, “Am I doing enough?” She graciously responded, “You are doing more than enough, more than I could ever do, because you have the freedom to do what your children need, not what the school demands.” I have peace in my heart, my kids enjoy learning, and if we play math times tables songs while we play Lego, they are still going to catch it. If we get frustrated with something, we can take a dress-up break, run laps around the house to burn energy, or just go dig a hole in the backyard. It’s all good. 🙂 Thanks for encouraging homeschool parents like me to take a deep breath and chill out.
Rebecca and Monica I am happy I am not alone. It seems that many mom’s I talk to are so excited by their co-op groups but when I looked into them, I just couldn’t give away another day of our week, and in some cases several days depending on the group activities and field trips. Very few homeschoolers I have talked to are not in a co-op. We help out my grandmother one day a week and another is spent at swim lessons (to meet county PE requirements), art class, and/or helping feed people at our church. I only have twins to teach, but they are true to their Thing 1 and Thing 2 nicknames! 😉
<> THANK YOU…I am a veteran home school mom (nearly 15 yrs). I read about all the totally organized, scheduled, ordered home school moms teaching Greek and Latin, cooking and baking with their detailed meal plans and self sufficient chore charts and get overwhelmed because our house is a wreck and it’s a battle just to get kids to do the dishes. We are “usually” done by 3 pm…and I am already two months behind in correcting all their schoolwork…(we started in Aug..today is October 7th). I NEED a break but I desperately do NOT want my children in the public school system…so I choose to be a RELAXED home school mom and not sweat any of it and accept that God is working his perfect will in our family. We don’t live like many other people in our society..but I guess that’s the whole point!!
This is our first year homeschooling. I love it. I have 2 daughters I am schooling, ages 6 and 7. My confessions are: My 3 year old watches too much tv while we school, my 6 year old that everyone thinks is so cute and sweet is very challenging to teach, Bible is our weakest subject (I don’t like what we are using and it gets skipped a lot), I have so many printables downloaded and I never remember what I have or to use them, and I don’t know what I am going to do with my kids time this summer without school each day.